"Understanding Will Never Bring You Peace"

Not only is sleep overrated (title of previous post) but so is sleep deprivation. We decided that perhaps "regular" sleep deprivation wasn't quite tough enough so we decided to step it up a notch. We staying up until about 4:30am (Saturday morning) and then went to bed only to have the nurse wake us up at 6:00am (Saturday morning). The thought was that maybe when we just stay awake straight through, our bodies hit a second wind and Tina's not that effected. So we thought that if we stayed up most the night then go to bed just long enough to let our bodies get good and asleep then wake back up, maybe it would get something going. In the end... we just ended up tired.

It was great to have the kids down. My folks brought them by for a few hours on Friday night before heading back to the hotel. Then after our sleep deprivation experiment on Saturday, they came back and we hung out in Tina's room for about 8 hours. We watched movies, played games, and just hung out. For the most part it was a good time, but we could tell that the time away is wearing on the kids. It was pretty difficult for them when it was time to say good bye.

Weekends are very quiet here, and even though our environment doesn't change, there is a subtle shift that just makes Saturdays and Sundays different from the rest of the week. We also decided that one way to know that you've been in the hospital too long is when you start noticing when the nurses get haircuts, when staff go on vacation and when they come back you're still here, and when your physician travels to two different continents in the same time period that you occupied the same 10 square feet. At any rate, after we got up this morning we settled in for another quiet day of reading, writing, TV, movies, and games when in walked Tina's brother and sister-in-law. We had no idea that they were coming down and it was a welcome surprise.

They hung out for a few hours and then went back to their hotel. They plan on stopping back in for a few hours tomorrow morning before heading back home to Grayling (7 hour trip). After they left, we plugged in a movie that they brought with them - it was the first TV we had watched all day, which was a great change.

This morning Tina and I were reading a devotional together that we were given by our good friends and I wanted to share some of what we read. It's a devotional that is written from the perspective of God talking, so when you read the pronoun "I" it's speaking of God.

"Understanding will never bring you peace. That's why I have instructed you to trust Me, not in your understanding. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But the world presents you with an endless series of problems. As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you. The relief you have anticipated is short-lived. Soon your mind is gearing up again: searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your Master)." - Sarah Young

As Tina and I contemplated this very appropriate devotional this morning, the concept that kept coming out to me was this idea that often I do think that understanding will bring peace, because it's in understanding that I think I can then exercise mastery over my life. If I could just understand why Tina has seizures, or understand why she's not having seizures when she's supposed to, then, armed with this understanding, I could master my life and finally have peace.

But the first line of this devotional just kind of comes up and grabs you by the throat; "Understanding will never bring you peace." Even if I could understand all the whys associated with Tina's seizures, in the end, it would not bring peace. Oh, maybe for a little while there would be a sense of peace, but as Sarah Young said in this devotional, this peace would be very short lived, because this world has no shortage of circumstances that we can't understand (untraceable paths).

This is precisely why God said in Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." I may not be able to trace out the path we're on but God promises that if I don't try to take mastery of my life through understanding, but simply give control of my life over to Him, he will make my paths straight.

I think of it like this. When I seek to be the master of my own life I grab the wheel and start moving my life according to how I understand it. I turn left when I think I should. I turn right when I think it's appropriate. I veer to the side when I think something bad might happen to me. However, in the end God tells me that if I will simply give control to him, he will make the road straight so I don't need to turn or veer. I simply need to daily walk in his presence and acknowledge that He's my master, and he promises that as I walk forward every day, my path will never turn. I just walk and walk and walk and I will never end up in the ditch, I will never hit a pot hole, I will never whack a deer.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't take this to mean that nothing bad will ever happen, I simply take it to mean that there will never be anything in my path that I need to cease trusting God and take control in order to avoid. Oh, there may be times when, according to my own understanding, everything in me is screaming to grab that wheel and take over, but I have learned that in the end I am far better off leaving the driving to the one who has made the car, and made the path, and made me, then to think that I could possibly understand well enough to make it on my own.

No. Understanding will not bring peace. Seeking understanding equals a grasp at mastery. Far better to trust my life to the Master - the Prince of Peace.