Early Easter morning, four and a half years ago, life for our family changed forever. I awoke to the sound of an otherworldly noise and Tina’s body convulsing uncontrollably. That event began us onto a path where we would discover that Tina was suffering from late onset Epilepsy. That path would include long periods of Tina being home-bound and a non-stop roller-coaster of trying to figure out which medications would strike the best balance between controlling her seizures but also limit the debilitating side-effects of chronic fatigue and loss of focus – that effort has only been marginally successful.

On July 14th 2010, our path took another turn when Tina underwent a five week long surgical procedure where doctors at University Hospitals in Cleveland Ohio implanted multiple electrodes into her brain in the hope that this would allow them to locate the spot in her brain that is responsible for her seizures and then surgically remove that spot in an attempt to control her seizures without medication. Unfortunately after 3 surgical attempts to locating this seizure focus, the clock ran out and the risk of continuing this procedure became too great, so they removed all of the electrodes, and sent her home with very little to show for our 5 weeks in the hospital.

When we left Cleveland two summers ago we couldn't imagine that we would go back anytime soon. Those five weeks in the hospital were very disappointing for Tina and difficult for our kids. However, over the course of the last year and a half, Tina's seizures have become progressively more frequent, and medications have become progressively less effective at controlling her seizures. So, after consulting with Tina's neurologists, it is clear that we are in for yet another turn in the path of life.

We will once again be making the trip to University Hospitals in Cleveland, and on Wednesday January 11th, Tina will once again undergo the same procedure to implant electrodes in her brain to monitor seizure activity in the hope that they can determine the physical location of her seizures and surgically remove it.

This is not a path that we went looking for nor did we anticipate how sharply our lives would change literally over night when four and a half years ago these seizures began. There have been days when we have wondered as to why these things were happening and what God was up to in this. What we have learned is best summed up by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the church at Rome where he said that the paths that God lays out for us are "beyond tracing out." We may not understand this path or where it’s leading us, but what we do know is that we would rather follow God’s untraceable path than to follow any path we could lay out for ourselves. This blog is our attempt to bring others along with us as we walk along God’s untraceable path.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Seeing the Forest From The Trees

We made it about 36 hours total with no sleep - this time I didn't take a nap at all. We decided to thrown in the towel at 10:30 last night, although I think Tina probably could have kept going. As it was she had a hard time falling asleep and didn't sleep well after she did. As of 2:00pm today there is still no sign of seizures.

We did sleep quite late (11:00am) and then listened to Louie's sermon from last week as we ate breakfast. It is so nice to remain connected with the body of Christ in Rockford even while in Cleveland. Louie's sermon was a great reminder to us that our individual stories are simply a part of the much larger story that God is telling throughout all of human history. We are simply trees planted in a much larger forest, and it is the forest that is significant not any particular tree within it.

I have been so humbled by how many people are reading this blog and how God is using it in their lives, but I want to make sure that it is not my tree that is seen but rather the forest that my tree helps make up. It may sound strange that I find it encouraging and comforting to recognize that I am not what is significant, rather that it is what I am a part of that is significant. Far too often I fall into the trap of wanting be the focus of my own life. I want to be significant, but it isn't until I recognize that it is only in being part of God's plan for my life that I find peace and encouragement. Trust me this is not natural for me. I tend to think much too highly of myself and my own significance, but when I am able to see that I have a small role to play in a story that has been going on for thousands of years it encourages my heart.

It is my hope that as you read this blog you would see the forest not the trees.
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5 comments:

linusvpelt said...

Amen, that is the point of all of our stories a small paragraph in the EPIC of Gods lovestory. ( to borrow a concept from your favorite author) :)

August 4, 2010 at 2:27 PM
Anonymous said...

Again, words of wisdom through Matt :) Linds

August 4, 2010 at 3:14 PM
Anonymous said...

thank you (and Louie)for that great reminder!! I will think on that for awhile and will strive to apply it to my life. Really, Matt your blogs give us much to think about. We praise God for you both and your testimony of faith. xo

August 4, 2010 at 5:13 PM
Anonymous said...

Matt, it is truly an encouragement to 'go' through this struggle with you... and listen to your faith guide you and pull you and carry you when you can't even walk. Thank-you for your faith in the fight.
ruthie

August 4, 2010 at 7:02 PM
Anonymous said...

I actually brought this topic up at small group a few weeks ago. I talked about how faith of he Mead's and the Black's was so powerful, so genuine that I feel like it points me to God. It would be easy to flippantly say "yep, gotta have faith" but one can just see the authenticity of you guys + the Blacks. I also talked about how I feel like I should be the one encouraging + pointing you to God but instead its you guys who are pointing me there. I keep coming back to you guys living out the theology of suffering and I say thank you for your example....and helping me see the forest.

ryan

August 4, 2010 at 9:43 PM

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