Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! -Romans 11:33
Saturday, July 31, 2010
No Dice
Well, Tina made it to a little after 3:00am before throwing in the towel - she had a long day. Unfortunately no seizures. We're hopeful that something will transpire sometime this weekend. The neurologist said ideally they would like 2 seizures 6 hours apart. So keep praying with us that this would become reality.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Rough Day
It has been a rough day. I think we both woke up feeling a bit on the edge emotionally. Once again the seizure that was induced this morning doesn't move us any closer to surgery - it doesn't move us any further away, but not any closer either.
Shortly after Tina's seizure this morning her IV quit working. One of the biggest issues Tina has had in this whole thing has been with her IV. She has bad veins to begin with but the antibiotic they've been giving her through her IV tends to break down her veins and causes them to "blow out." After two and a half weeks her arms look like a junkie and it's impossible to find a vein that works. She has yet to get an IV that hasn't required at least 3 tries and the one that quit working this morning required that they stick her nine 9 times before they finally got one to stay. They worked on getting another IV in for about 3 hours this afternoon. They called 3 different people and each tried 3 or 4 times before giving up. In the end they decided to put a central line in directly to a major artery just above her heart. This was not fun for Tina and she is a bit sore from it, but at least she should be done with IVs for the rest of our vacation.
We are definitely getting pretty tired of this whole thing and are ready to be done, so we've decided that we're going to give sleep deprivation another shot tonight. It hasn't been ordered, so the nurses won't run in here and wake her up if she falls asleep, but we're willing to give it a shot and see what happens. Please pray for endurance and that Tina will have a seizure.
For all you Facebook people you can all take shifts chatting with Tina throughout the night/morning to keep her mind occupied.
Shortly after Tina's seizure this morning her IV quit working. One of the biggest issues Tina has had in this whole thing has been with her IV. She has bad veins to begin with but the antibiotic they've been giving her through her IV tends to break down her veins and causes them to "blow out." After two and a half weeks her arms look like a junkie and it's impossible to find a vein that works. She has yet to get an IV that hasn't required at least 3 tries and the one that quit working this morning required that they stick her nine 9 times before they finally got one to stay. They worked on getting another IV in for about 3 hours this afternoon. They called 3 different people and each tried 3 or 4 times before giving up. In the end they decided to put a central line in directly to a major artery just above her heart. This was not fun for Tina and she is a bit sore from it, but at least she should be done with IVs for the rest of our vacation.
We are definitely getting pretty tired of this whole thing and are ready to be done, so we've decided that we're going to give sleep deprivation another shot tonight. It hasn't been ordered, so the nurses won't run in here and wake her up if she falls asleep, but we're willing to give it a shot and see what happens. Please pray for endurance and that Tina will have a seizure.
For all you Facebook people you can all take shifts chatting with Tina throughout the night/morning to keep her mind occupied.
Pray for Seizures
They decided to try another round of "mapping" this morning and didn't get much further than yesterday. They started stimulating electrodes from a completely different part of her brain and didn't get much further than they did yesterday before she went into a grand mal seizure. This time she had no warning at all - they just flipped the switch and she immediately went into a grand mal seizure. Apparently her brain doesn't like to be electrocuted.
We haven't really heard much about the seizure she had today while they were mapping but apparently the seizure she had yesterday during the mapping really didn't help much as far as moving us any closer to the final surgery. Seizures that are "artificially" triggered through electrical stimulation really doesn't help confirm her seizure location. Unfortunately when Tina is off from her meds her brain is way too on the edge in order to do further mapping. She's so close to seizing now that they fear that off her meds, further mapping will just continue to cause Tina to have grand mal seizures. Unfortunately she can't get back on her meds until she'd had more "regular" seizures.
The reason that they're trying to do the mapping before she's back on her meds is to try and manage time and balance risk. The mapping process can take a couple of days to do and so if they have to wait until she's back on her meds to do the mapping, and if they have to wait for her to have seizures to put her back on her meds, the time could begin to add up again. The risk is that the longer she goes with these electrodes buried in her brain the more opportunity she has for developing an infection - a complication that we don't need.
So we would ask once again that you would bring Tina before God in prayer. Please pray that she would have several good seizures that continue to point in a positive direction, that she could get back on her meds, and that they can get the mapping done so that she get back into the OR get her electrodes out and cut out her brain.
We haven't really heard much about the seizure she had today while they were mapping but apparently the seizure she had yesterday during the mapping really didn't help much as far as moving us any closer to the final surgery. Seizures that are "artificially" triggered through electrical stimulation really doesn't help confirm her seizure location. Unfortunately when Tina is off from her meds her brain is way too on the edge in order to do further mapping. She's so close to seizing now that they fear that off her meds, further mapping will just continue to cause Tina to have grand mal seizures. Unfortunately she can't get back on her meds until she'd had more "regular" seizures.
The reason that they're trying to do the mapping before she's back on her meds is to try and manage time and balance risk. The mapping process can take a couple of days to do and so if they have to wait until she's back on her meds to do the mapping, and if they have to wait for her to have seizures to put her back on her meds, the time could begin to add up again. The risk is that the longer she goes with these electrodes buried in her brain the more opportunity she has for developing an infection - a complication that we don't need.
So we would ask once again that you would bring Tina before God in prayer. Please pray that she would have several good seizures that continue to point in a positive direction, that she could get back on her meds, and that they can get the mapping done so that she get back into the OR get her electrodes out and cut out her brain.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Interesting Morning
As you may have gathered from Tina's comment on the blog yesterday, after she "warmed up"... she "cooled down" and didn't have any seizures. Her folks headed out in the early evening and Tina and I just hung out in her room killing time until we went to bed. Tina wasn't feeling all that sleepy and the nurses had to change her IV (not a pleasant experience - Tina has had so many IVs in her arms that they just look like one big bruise) so she stayed up until they were done getting it in, but when she tried to fall asleep her stomach wasn't feeling very well and her mind was racing and she just didn't sleep well.
The neurologist told us yesterday that he wanted to do some "mapping" of Tina's electrodes today so when her nurse came in this morning at 8:00 I asked her what time she thought they would start this mapping. She asked the EEG tech who said around 8:30. So we got up a bit earlier than we normally would have, especially after Tina's poor night's sleep. I ducked into the bathroom to get cleaned up before the neurologist showed up, but when I came out he was already there and getting ready to start the mapping.
Mapping is the process in which they go in and stimulate Tina's electrodes one at a time with a fairly high voltage and observe what kind of effect it might have on her. The idea is that they want to clinically verify what the part of the brain under each electrode is responsible for so that when they finally remove the part of her brain that is causing the seizures they have a good idea what else they might be effecting. So they stimulate the electrodes one at a time and then ask Tina if she feels anything or if they can observe any changes. For instance she might start to feel a bit warm, her fingers might start to tingle a bit, or her lip might quiver. They might have her read out loud and see if her speech starts to slur and so on.
So we had a whirlwind morning of it before they plugged Tina into the 480 (not really) to see what would happen. So it was that, as I was still folding my cot up this morning, they flipped the switch on the very first of the electrodes on the surface of her brain. I had asked the neurologist what Tina should expect to feel when they were doing this, and he said that they really were still in the process of setting up and that the first few electrodes that they stimulated should have no effect whatsoever. However, immediately after they flipped the very first switch, Tina sat straight up in bed and said, "that did something. Where's my button - I'm having deja vu." within 5 seconds she was having a grand mal seizure.
It was a rather strong seizure this time, but she eventually came out of it without needing Ativan. As is typical, Tina was unconscious for a half hour or so and then slept for most of the rest of the morning. The neurologist was going to review the data they collected from this seizure and try to analyze what happened. As of now we're not sure what bearing this seizure may or may not have on Tina's impending surgery. I'll post more when we know more.
Tina's folks have come back to the hospital and we're all hanging out now watching TV... well actually they're watching TV and I'm writing on the blog. The neurologist mentioned before he left that they may consider coming back later today and continue with the mapping. Given our recent experience with the whole mapping process we're not real excited about this, but hopefully he was able to learn something and can make the necessary adjustments to make it a bit less... well... exciting.
The neurologist told us yesterday that he wanted to do some "mapping" of Tina's electrodes today so when her nurse came in this morning at 8:00 I asked her what time she thought they would start this mapping. She asked the EEG tech who said around 8:30. So we got up a bit earlier than we normally would have, especially after Tina's poor night's sleep. I ducked into the bathroom to get cleaned up before the neurologist showed up, but when I came out he was already there and getting ready to start the mapping.
Mapping is the process in which they go in and stimulate Tina's electrodes one at a time with a fairly high voltage and observe what kind of effect it might have on her. The idea is that they want to clinically verify what the part of the brain under each electrode is responsible for so that when they finally remove the part of her brain that is causing the seizures they have a good idea what else they might be effecting. So they stimulate the electrodes one at a time and then ask Tina if she feels anything or if they can observe any changes. For instance she might start to feel a bit warm, her fingers might start to tingle a bit, or her lip might quiver. They might have her read out loud and see if her speech starts to slur and so on.
So we had a whirlwind morning of it before they plugged Tina into the 480 (not really) to see what would happen. So it was that, as I was still folding my cot up this morning, they flipped the switch on the very first of the electrodes on the surface of her brain. I had asked the neurologist what Tina should expect to feel when they were doing this, and he said that they really were still in the process of setting up and that the first few electrodes that they stimulated should have no effect whatsoever. However, immediately after they flipped the very first switch, Tina sat straight up in bed and said, "that did something. Where's my button - I'm having deja vu." within 5 seconds she was having a grand mal seizure.
It was a rather strong seizure this time, but she eventually came out of it without needing Ativan. As is typical, Tina was unconscious for a half hour or so and then slept for most of the rest of the morning. The neurologist was going to review the data they collected from this seizure and try to analyze what happened. As of now we're not sure what bearing this seizure may or may not have on Tina's impending surgery. I'll post more when we know more.
Tina's folks have come back to the hospital and we're all hanging out now watching TV... well actually they're watching TV and I'm writing on the blog. The neurologist mentioned before he left that they may consider coming back later today and continue with the mapping. Given our recent experience with the whole mapping process we're not real excited about this, but hopefully he was able to learn something and can make the necessary adjustments to make it a bit less... well... exciting.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
She's "Warming Up"
After what we think was a false alarm last night it has been a fairly quiet day. Tina got up to go to the bathroom (which doesn't mean she actually got to go to the bathroom, more like sit on a 5 gallon bucket with rails next to her bed) and after having laid in bed for 36 hours with a catheter, pain meds in her system, and not a whole lot to eat, she passed out when she went to stand up after using said 5 gallon bucket. At first the nurse thought that she was seizing, but after the fact the EEG tech didn't seam to think that the EEG showed that it was a seizure so likely she just passed out. The neurologist will take a look at it and see what they think.
Tina is doing much better this morning. Her pain is down considerably and hasn't needed any medication. She has successfully used the bedside commode (the proper name for the 5 gallon bucket) without incident which we all appreciate. She doesn't have much of an appetite so I've been forcing her to eat something. Tina's parents came in last night and spent a few hours here before going to a hotel for the night. They came back late this morning and left to go down to the cafeteria a few minutes ago.
About 20 minutes ago, when Tina needed to go to the bathroom, the nurse came in and said that she needed to be careful because the EEG showed that she was starting to "warm up." Aside from thinking that all Tina does is go to the bathroom, "warm up" means that they're starting to see some seizure type activity on her EEG but that it hasn't evolved into an actual seizure yet.
Please pray that Tina would begin having seizures, that they would be of a nature that the neurologist can discern something from it, that Tina would be safe in the process, and that we can being to move toward some kind of positive conclusion to this Cleveland vacation.
Tina is doing much better this morning. Her pain is down considerably and hasn't needed any medication. She has successfully used the bedside commode (the proper name for the 5 gallon bucket) without incident which we all appreciate. She doesn't have much of an appetite so I've been forcing her to eat something. Tina's parents came in last night and spent a few hours here before going to a hotel for the night. They came back late this morning and left to go down to the cafeteria a few minutes ago.
About 20 minutes ago, when Tina needed to go to the bathroom, the nurse came in and said that she needed to be careful because the EEG showed that she was starting to "warm up." Aside from thinking that all Tina does is go to the bathroom, "warm up" means that they're starting to see some seizure type activity on her EEG but that it hasn't evolved into an actual seizure yet.
Please pray that Tina would begin having seizures, that they would be of a nature that the neurologist can discern something from it, that Tina would be safe in the process, and that we can being to move toward some kind of positive conclusion to this Cleveland vacation.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Day After
After almost 10 hours of sleep last night I'm feeling much better. Unfortunately the one that matters didn't sleep so well. Much like the night before surgery the night after surgery is constantly interrupted to make sure that all is well. Fortunately Tina's been able to get a couple of good naps this afternoon.
Tina is in more pain that the previous two surgeries, but I guess that the trade off for not having to remove more of her skull is worth it. (Easy for me to say.) We spoke to the neurologist this morning and once again they are extremely hopeful that Tina will be able to have surgery for her seizures and that the surgery will result in Tina not just reducing her seizures but ending them altogether with no adverse residual effects. However, as before, they cannot proceed with surgery until her brain has produced a series of seizures that show very precisely where her seizure focus is centered in her brain. Once again we would ask for your prayers that Tina would have the seizures necessary to do just that. I am confident that much of the success that we have seen thus far with Tina's seizures are a result of so many faithfully lifting her up in prayer.
We are excited about Tina's parents coming down to Cleveland for a bit. They are due to arrive sometime this afternoon. It will be good to spend time with them and to enjoy their company. I think Tina is getting sick mine being the only familiar face to look at.
Tina is in more pain that the previous two surgeries, but I guess that the trade off for not having to remove more of her skull is worth it. (Easy for me to say.) We spoke to the neurologist this morning and once again they are extremely hopeful that Tina will be able to have surgery for her seizures and that the surgery will result in Tina not just reducing her seizures but ending them altogether with no adverse residual effects. However, as before, they cannot proceed with surgery until her brain has produced a series of seizures that show very precisely where her seizure focus is centered in her brain. Once again we would ask for your prayers that Tina would have the seizures necessary to do just that. I am confident that much of the success that we have seen thus far with Tina's seizures are a result of so many faithfully lifting her up in prayer.
We are excited about Tina's parents coming down to Cleveland for a bit. They are due to arrive sometime this afternoon. It will be good to spend time with them and to enjoy their company. I think Tina is getting sick mine being the only familiar face to look at.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wiped Out
It has been a long day and Tina and I are both pretty wiped out. The day started at 4:00am with a pre-surgical scrub down and this after a very short night with many interruptions. It's amazing that they keep you up later and interrupt your sleep more often the night before surgery than the other nights.
She came back to the room feeling like she was in more pain than after the previous two surgeries but they've been able to manage her pain pretty well since then. She's currently got some morphine going and so she's feeling pretty relaxed. They will give her another dose of anti-seizure meds tonight and then she'll be off from them for the rest of the time here.
I'm going to be heading to bed here shortly and hopefully get get some much needed sleep. I did laundry for 3 hours this afternoon and that just took it right out of me.
She came back to the room feeling like she was in more pain than after the previous two surgeries but they've been able to manage her pain pretty well since then. She's currently got some morphine going and so she's feeling pretty relaxed. They will give her another dose of anti-seizure meds tonight and then she'll be off from them for the rest of the time here.
I'm going to be heading to bed here shortly and hopefully get get some much needed sleep. I did laundry for 3 hours this afternoon and that just took it right out of me.
She's Out: Take Three
I just heard from the surgeon. Everything went well. Tina is out and in recovery. He didn't end up taking out any more bone, which I think is good, but he did mention that she just might have a bit more of a headache going forward because he had to "slip" the new grid plate underneath the skull and so there may be some added pressure between the skull and the brain that could result in Tina having a headache. He didn't take out all the depth electrodes as he originally thought, so those will stay in until the final surgery when they remove everything and do the resection (remove the part of her brain that is causing the seizures).
Praise God. I don't know if it is simply being tired and worn out or if something else was going on, but I must admit that I was feeling a great deal of anxiety over this particular surgery and I'm not sure why. What I do know is that I once again had to place my wife at the feet of the one who loves her infinitely more than I do and trust him that he know what is best for her. I am so grateful that he once again chose to bring her through this surgery with no complications and that he empowered Dr. Miller with the ability he has to perform the surgery.
I will keep you all posted as to how the day progresses. Thanks again for all your prayers throughout this.
Praise God. I don't know if it is simply being tired and worn out or if something else was going on, but I must admit that I was feeling a great deal of anxiety over this particular surgery and I'm not sure why. What I do know is that I once again had to place my wife at the feet of the one who loves her infinitely more than I do and trust him that he know what is best for her. I am so grateful that he once again chose to bring her through this surgery with no complications and that he empowered Dr. Miller with the ability he has to perform the surgery.
I will keep you all posted as to how the day progresses. Thanks again for all your prayers throughout this.
She's In: Take Three
Tina has been taken back now for her third surgery in less than two weeks. She once again proves her amazing resilience by having a better attitude than everyone around her. Some said to me the other day that Tina had better watch out because she just might loose her reputation as a pessimist and be branded as a hopeless optimist. God has certainly been her shield and her strength through this. I'm positive that without the power of the Holy Spirit it would be near unto impossible to maintain the outlook Tina has had, given all the setbacks and difficulties that have been a part of this experience here in Cleveland.
I got my first good look at Tina's head today as they had to unwrap her head and remove all of the surface electrodes before she came down to surgery. She definitely is a zipper head. Her incision curves around the right side of her head from just above her ear, moves toward the back of her head, curves back around and ends just behind the hair line at the center of her right forehead. In all it's probably around 8 - 10 inches long, and you can definitely see where the skull is missing as, rather than a nice curved shape, to the right side of her head it's rather flat. Tina had me take a picture but it probably won't make it onto the blog just yet.
Please pray for Tina now as they perform this surgery and as she recovers that the healing hand of our Loving Father would be felt and that once again His name would be made great. May those around us be truly amazed by all that he does.
I got my first good look at Tina's head today as they had to unwrap her head and remove all of the surface electrodes before she came down to surgery. She definitely is a zipper head. Her incision curves around the right side of her head from just above her ear, moves toward the back of her head, curves back around and ends just behind the hair line at the center of her right forehead. In all it's probably around 8 - 10 inches long, and you can definitely see where the skull is missing as, rather than a nice curved shape, to the right side of her head it's rather flat. Tina had me take a picture but it probably won't make it onto the blog just yet.
Please pray for Tina now as they perform this surgery and as she recovers that the healing hand of our Loving Father would be felt and that once again His name would be made great. May those around us be truly amazed by all that he does.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Early
We're being told that Tina will likely be the first surgery tomorrow. That means that she will be up by 4:00am to scrub down and then taken to the OR sometime around 6:30am or so. As I've done the previous two times, I'll make a quick post letting everyone know when she's in surgery and when she's out. Thanks in advance for your prayers of protection for my beautiful bride.
Surgery Number Three
As I mentioned in my last post, Tina will need to undergo yet another surgery in preparation for her final surgery that will treat her seizures. The neurosurgeon came through this morning and informed us that he was pushing back a bunch of his other patients tomorrow (Monday) in order to get Tina in.
They will be going in, lengthening her incision, removing some more of her skull and repositioning the electrodes on the surface of her brain. Currently the electrodes are laid out in a square grid that is 8 electrodes by 8 electrodes. The issue is that although the electrode grid is showing Tina's seizure focus very well it shows the focus at its very edge. The concern is that we're talking millimeters of tissue that they would be removing from her brain and so when the seizure focus shows at the very edge of the grid they can't be certain that they're getting the exact right tissue. So they will reposition the grid to center around where the current grid is showing the seizure focus.
We were hoping that they would be able to reposition the electrodes without taking out any more skull but apparently they can't and so this surgery will once again be more painful than the very first one.
As of right now we're not exactly sure what time she will be going back in but the surgeon said that it should only be a couple of hours at the most and then Tina will come back up to the EMU.
Yesterday was a bit of a rough day for Tina as she came to grips with needing to stay here even longer, but toward the end of the day our friends Jim and Chris Courter showed up down here and spent a couple of hours with us. It was a tremendous encouragement to both of us and Tina's spirits were visibly lifted by the time they left. How humbled we are when we realize how much others have sacrificed to support us as we go through this. We often say that prayer is such an easy thing to do, but we all know that if we are truly honest with ourselves the discipline to actually sit down, and take the time to pray for someone can be a difficult thing. So we want to express our gratitude for those who have lifted us up in prayer and continue to do so.
Please pray for our kids, especially Megan, as the news of our extended vacation is not sitting very well with her. She misses her mom.
They will be going in, lengthening her incision, removing some more of her skull and repositioning the electrodes on the surface of her brain. Currently the electrodes are laid out in a square grid that is 8 electrodes by 8 electrodes. The issue is that although the electrode grid is showing Tina's seizure focus very well it shows the focus at its very edge. The concern is that we're talking millimeters of tissue that they would be removing from her brain and so when the seizure focus shows at the very edge of the grid they can't be certain that they're getting the exact right tissue. So they will reposition the grid to center around where the current grid is showing the seizure focus.
We were hoping that they would be able to reposition the electrodes without taking out any more skull but apparently they can't and so this surgery will once again be more painful than the very first one.
As of right now we're not exactly sure what time she will be going back in but the surgeon said that it should only be a couple of hours at the most and then Tina will come back up to the EMU.
Yesterday was a bit of a rough day for Tina as she came to grips with needing to stay here even longer, but toward the end of the day our friends Jim and Chris Courter showed up down here and spent a couple of hours with us. It was a tremendous encouragement to both of us and Tina's spirits were visibly lifted by the time they left. How humbled we are when we realize how much others have sacrificed to support us as we go through this. We often say that prayer is such an easy thing to do, but we all know that if we are truly honest with ourselves the discipline to actually sit down, and take the time to pray for someone can be a difficult thing. So we want to express our gratitude for those who have lifted us up in prayer and continue to do so.
Please pray for our kids, especially Megan, as the news of our extended vacation is not sitting very well with her. She misses her mom.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Good News & Bad News
Today has been a day where we've had good news and we have had not so good news. First the good news.
The neurologist was able to look at the information that he got from Tina's seizures yesterday and his assessment looks very promising. It appears that Tina's seizures are originating from a very focused point in her brain and it also appears as though that point is not responsible for any critical functions in Tina's body. He is virtually convinced that surgery will be able to remove her seizure focus with no ill effects at all. He indicated that the most serious risk would be just the risk associated with the surgery itself not with removing part of her brain.
Now the bad news. In order for them to move forward with the surgery to remove her seizure focus they need to adjust her electrodes again. This will involve another surgery to move the electrodes, another recovery, and another period of waiting and hoping for seizures that give good and accurate data - all before they can do the final surgery. As of now we're not sure when this next surgery to move the electrodes will be. We're hopeful that they can get her in on Monday morning but we won't know for sure until tomorrow.
Although we're encouraged by the long range out look, Tina is very discouraged at the thought of another surgery and an even longer stay here in Cleveland. Yes we are aware that it could be worse. We could have gone through all of this just to be told that they couldn't operate or that there would be significant long term risk if they did do surgery, but I have never found the "it could be worse" argument to be very encouraging. Just because it could be worse or just because others may be worse off than us doesn't diminish the disappointment and discouragement of our situation. Tina is doing well at struggling through, but we would ask once again that you would send forth prayer to our loving and gracious Father to place his hand of comfort upon Tina and that she would experience the comfort that can only come from the one who knows all things and sees all things.
I received an e-mail from a good friend this morning who reminded me that Psalm 145 says in verse 13 that the LORD is loving toward all he has made. I know that my God is indeed mine and Tina's creator and so I hold on to the recognition that he not only made us but according to his word he is also loving toward us, which includes all the events of our lives. Sometimes I can't see how it could possibly be loving for Tina to have to go through another surgery. Why couldn't this be it and why couldn't he just make it so she could just go through with the final surgery? I don't know. What I do know is that the LORD is loving toward all he has made. That's what I know. So somehow, someway, even this "bonus" surgery is God showing his love toward us.
Once again it is God's untraceable path.
The neurologist was able to look at the information that he got from Tina's seizures yesterday and his assessment looks very promising. It appears that Tina's seizures are originating from a very focused point in her brain and it also appears as though that point is not responsible for any critical functions in Tina's body. He is virtually convinced that surgery will be able to remove her seizure focus with no ill effects at all. He indicated that the most serious risk would be just the risk associated with the surgery itself not with removing part of her brain.
Now the bad news. In order for them to move forward with the surgery to remove her seizure focus they need to adjust her electrodes again. This will involve another surgery to move the electrodes, another recovery, and another period of waiting and hoping for seizures that give good and accurate data - all before they can do the final surgery. As of now we're not sure when this next surgery to move the electrodes will be. We're hopeful that they can get her in on Monday morning but we won't know for sure until tomorrow.
Although we're encouraged by the long range out look, Tina is very discouraged at the thought of another surgery and an even longer stay here in Cleveland. Yes we are aware that it could be worse. We could have gone through all of this just to be told that they couldn't operate or that there would be significant long term risk if they did do surgery, but I have never found the "it could be worse" argument to be very encouraging. Just because it could be worse or just because others may be worse off than us doesn't diminish the disappointment and discouragement of our situation. Tina is doing well at struggling through, but we would ask once again that you would send forth prayer to our loving and gracious Father to place his hand of comfort upon Tina and that she would experience the comfort that can only come from the one who knows all things and sees all things.
I received an e-mail from a good friend this morning who reminded me that Psalm 145 says in verse 13 that the LORD is loving toward all he has made. I know that my God is indeed mine and Tina's creator and so I hold on to the recognition that he not only made us but according to his word he is also loving toward us, which includes all the events of our lives. Sometimes I can't see how it could possibly be loving for Tina to have to go through another surgery. Why couldn't this be it and why couldn't he just make it so she could just go through with the final surgery? I don't know. What I do know is that the LORD is loving toward all he has made. That's what I know. So somehow, someway, even this "bonus" surgery is God showing his love toward us.
Once again it is God's untraceable path.
Friday, July 23, 2010
...And Another
Tina had another seizure several hours after the last one. It was nearly identical to the one she had earlier today. They did need to administer Ativan in order to bring her out of this one, so she is pretty doped up tonight. I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up with some amnesia from it. The good news is that's three seizures today.
It is mid-night and yes we are still up. For some reason the night shift nurses the last couple nights want to wait until the last minute to change IV locations, give her meds, re-wrap her head, etc. Hopefully they're going to be just about done and Tina can get some sleep. Please continue to pray for Tina as these new type of seizures are more uncomfortable. Please also pray that this nurse standing next to me who 25 minutes ago asked Tina to stay awake for 5 more minutes so she could do something would quit screwing around and leave so Tina can get some sleep.
It is mid-night and yes we are still up. For some reason the night shift nurses the last couple nights want to wait until the last minute to change IV locations, give her meds, re-wrap her head, etc. Hopefully they're going to be just about done and Tina can get some sleep. Please continue to pray for Tina as these new type of seizures are more uncomfortable. Please also pray that this nurse standing next to me who 25 minutes ago asked Tina to stay awake for 5 more minutes so she could do something would quit screwing around and leave so Tina can get some sleep.
Another Seizure
Shortly after my last post "Waiting for Seizures" where I asked for everyone to once again pray for seizures, I noticed some seizure type waves on Tina's EEG monitor. (We have an EEG monitor in her room that technically is there for the EEG Tech to see what's going on while in her room, but after four trips to the EMU I must admit that I'm starting to become quite adept at reading EEG. I guess if engineering or ministry don't pan out I could always become an EEG Tech.) At any rate about the time I noticed these seizure waves the nurse came in and started asking Tina some questions to gage her responsiveness. Tina didn't feel anything and was able to answer everything - 20 seconds later the waves disappeared.
About an hour later the nurse came back in again and I could again see the seizure activity on the EEG. Again she didn't feel anything and was completely responsive and able to answer all the questions. No deja vu, no adrenaline rush, no racing heart, just a slight tingle in her fingers. This lasted for several minutes and as the seizure began to propagate further into her brain (multiple waves on the EEG now showed seizure activity instead of just one) she began to show the typical convulsive characteristics of a grand mal.
However this time it was very different from her previous grand mal seizures. It wasn't nearly as involved and as we could see the seizure dissipate on the EEG monitor she didn't fall into unconsciousness as she typically does after a grand mal. Tina's timing was excellent this time, first because she had the seizure before sleep deprivation so now we don't have to do sleep deprivation (thanks babe), and second because the neurologist was on the floor and was able to witness the seizure and assess her during and after the seizure. This was very comforting to me.
As it turns out this seizure was not a generalized (grand mal) seizure as it did not propagate to the entire brain but was a simple partial seizure which is strictly localized to a specific region of her brain. In this way it has the same nature as the simple partial seizures that Tina normally has where she has deja vu, racing heart, adrenaline rush, and is fully aware of all that is going on while she's having the seizure. Unfortunately, none of her usual simple partial seizure symptoms where part of this seizure except for the last one. Tina remained fully conscious and aware of the entire seizure even after she started convulsing. This is the first time that Tina hasn't either just had some strange sensations and returned to normal, or lost all consciousness after she started convulsing and woke up half an hour later unsure what had happened. When it was all over she could account for pretty much every detail throughout the seizure. I feel bad that she remembers this.
Even in the midst of this Tina has not lost her her sense of humor. Because this seizure lasted quite a while they decided to give her a dose of an anti-seizure drug that in the past has induced amnesia. She has whole weeks missing from her memory after she's been given this drug. So as they're getting ready to inject her with this drug Tina said quite matter of factly, "well I guess I won't remember the rest of this hospital say." The neurologist had the nurse hold up and asked her what she meant, so I explained how Tina has responded to this drug in the past. In the end the neurologist just had the nurse give her a quarter dose, which should wear off within 4 - 6 hours.
As is pretty typical here in the EMU, after Tina's seizure everyone and their brother sticks their head in the room to get a look, to which Tina must have decided that she should take full advantage of her audience and started cracking jokes with everyone there. Keep in mind she had stopped seizing less than a minute previous. Honestly I can't remember much of what she said but she had everyone laughing. The neurologist (a sweet lady who can't be more than 40) just shook her head, smiled at Tina and told her that she had such an unbelievable spirit.
I think the 1/4 dose of Ativan has finally hit Tina's blood stream because she's sleeping at the moment. We won't know if this is enough information for them to be able to assess what the next step should be, but the really good news is that, preliminarily, it appears that all of her seizures are starting from the same place which is absolutely necessary for surgery to be a viable treatment. I would guess that the epileptologist will want more data if he can get it, so I would imagine that as the days progress between now and Wednesday they will want Tina to have more seizures. For now we are grateful for what God has provided for today.
I am thoroughly convinced that all that is happening down here is unfolding under the watchful eye of my Creator and is a direct result of the prayerful petitions offered on our behalf by so many of you. Please know that God answers prayer, and please keep praying.
About an hour later the nurse came back in again and I could again see the seizure activity on the EEG. Again she didn't feel anything and was completely responsive and able to answer all the questions. No deja vu, no adrenaline rush, no racing heart, just a slight tingle in her fingers. This lasted for several minutes and as the seizure began to propagate further into her brain (multiple waves on the EEG now showed seizure activity instead of just one) she began to show the typical convulsive characteristics of a grand mal.
However this time it was very different from her previous grand mal seizures. It wasn't nearly as involved and as we could see the seizure dissipate on the EEG monitor she didn't fall into unconsciousness as she typically does after a grand mal. Tina's timing was excellent this time, first because she had the seizure before sleep deprivation so now we don't have to do sleep deprivation (thanks babe), and second because the neurologist was on the floor and was able to witness the seizure and assess her during and after the seizure. This was very comforting to me.
As it turns out this seizure was not a generalized (grand mal) seizure as it did not propagate to the entire brain but was a simple partial seizure which is strictly localized to a specific region of her brain. In this way it has the same nature as the simple partial seizures that Tina normally has where she has deja vu, racing heart, adrenaline rush, and is fully aware of all that is going on while she's having the seizure. Unfortunately, none of her usual simple partial seizure symptoms where part of this seizure except for the last one. Tina remained fully conscious and aware of the entire seizure even after she started convulsing. This is the first time that Tina hasn't either just had some strange sensations and returned to normal, or lost all consciousness after she started convulsing and woke up half an hour later unsure what had happened. When it was all over she could account for pretty much every detail throughout the seizure. I feel bad that she remembers this.
Even in the midst of this Tina has not lost her her sense of humor. Because this seizure lasted quite a while they decided to give her a dose of an anti-seizure drug that in the past has induced amnesia. She has whole weeks missing from her memory after she's been given this drug. So as they're getting ready to inject her with this drug Tina said quite matter of factly, "well I guess I won't remember the rest of this hospital say." The neurologist had the nurse hold up and asked her what she meant, so I explained how Tina has responded to this drug in the past. In the end the neurologist just had the nurse give her a quarter dose, which should wear off within 4 - 6 hours.
As is pretty typical here in the EMU, after Tina's seizure everyone and their brother sticks their head in the room to get a look, to which Tina must have decided that she should take full advantage of her audience and started cracking jokes with everyone there. Keep in mind she had stopped seizing less than a minute previous. Honestly I can't remember much of what she said but she had everyone laughing. The neurologist (a sweet lady who can't be more than 40) just shook her head, smiled at Tina and told her that she had such an unbelievable spirit.
I think the 1/4 dose of Ativan has finally hit Tina's blood stream because she's sleeping at the moment. We won't know if this is enough information for them to be able to assess what the next step should be, but the really good news is that, preliminarily, it appears that all of her seizures are starting from the same place which is absolutely necessary for surgery to be a viable treatment. I would guess that the epileptologist will want more data if he can get it, so I would imagine that as the days progress between now and Wednesday they will want Tina to have more seizures. For now we are grateful for what God has provided for today.
I am thoroughly convinced that all that is happening down here is unfolding under the watchful eye of my Creator and is a direct result of the prayerful petitions offered on our behalf by so many of you. Please know that God answers prayer, and please keep praying.
Waiting for Seizures
Tina is doing very well today. She hasn't had any pain meds in over 12 hours and has very little pain. She now has her catheter out and will be getting her "regular" clothes on here shortly. The Neurologist just came through and he didn't order sleep dep for tonight so it looks like Tina gets one more day to recover from surgery before she gets hit with that.
Please pray for seizures. It would be great if she was able to produce a series of "good" seizures without the sleep deprivation, but of course then we'd miss out on all of that great alone time at 3:15am. The doctors and nurses are all very surprised at just how well Tina has recovered from surgery. She is doing better than anyone expected her to, little do they know how many people are appealing to the God of the universe who is able to do all things - including speedy recovery from surgery. We are now trusting this same God to provide seizures.
Please pray for seizures. It would be great if she was able to produce a series of "good" seizures without the sleep deprivation, but of course then we'd miss out on all of that great alone time at 3:15am. The doctors and nurses are all very surprised at just how well Tina has recovered from surgery. She is doing better than anyone expected her to, little do they know how many people are appealing to the God of the universe who is able to do all things - including speedy recovery from surgery. We are now trusting this same God to provide seizures.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A Quiet Day
Today has been a better day for Tina. She is still very tired and has been taking pain meds on a regular basis. This evening she is definitely starting to perk up a bit though. She sat in a chair for 3 hours without much pain, which the nurses are simply amazed at. Her face is quite swollen and she's talking meds to try and keep the swelling under control. The good news is that the surgeon was very surprised this morning at how little swelling she had, as he expected much more. Everyone keeps cracking these jokes about surgeons who "beat up" their patience. Medical humor - it's lost on me.
Tina has not had much of an appetite today but has been able to eat some and keep it down. Hopefully she can get a full nights sleep and wake up rested and refreshed because it wouldn't surprise me if she is put on sleep deprivation tomorrow night - I'll keep you posted so that all you Facebook people can take shifts throughout the night chatting away with her. As you have guessed sleep deprivation means we are back into the mode of needing for Tina's brain to produces some recordable seizures that will provide the necessary information to take the next step toward surgery.
We did receive some good news today regarding the future steps, assuming we get there. If they are able to find her seizure focus and if that seizure focus is operable the pain associated with that operation will be considerably less than the last two surgeries. Because they put the piece of Tina's skull that they took off yesterday in the ice chest (next to the mustard and pickles) rather than back in her head, when they go in to do the surgery to remove the seizure focus there will not be any more significant trauma to her head which means less pain. This is very helpful for Tina to know that the worst is now over regardless of how this all turns out.
We received a bunch of letters from the kids today. We were amazed to open one big envelope from Noah with a bag full of hair in it. For those of you who haven't seen Noah lately he has not had his hair cut in about a year and a half - but along with the bag full of hair was a series of six pictures that chronicled Noah's tribute too his mom as he had his grandpa not only buzz his hair off with the clippers but shaved it right down to the skin with a razor. What an awesome kid.
Today has been a very uneventful day, which is good. I think that I really crashed this morning. I couldn't hardly keep awake even after getting my Starbucks from the cafeteria and so I took a couple hour nap along with Tina. (Yes they have Starbucks, although I'm a bit suspicious that it's not quite up to the normal Starbucks standard.) It's amazing how sitting on your butt all day reading, watching TV, and surfing the Internet can really take it out of you. I'm going to try and get to bed a bit early tonight in the anticipation of doing another marathon sleep deprivation tomorrow.
Thanks again for all your prayers and support they mean more than you can imagine.
Tina has not had much of an appetite today but has been able to eat some and keep it down. Hopefully she can get a full nights sleep and wake up rested and refreshed because it wouldn't surprise me if she is put on sleep deprivation tomorrow night - I'll keep you posted so that all you Facebook people can take shifts throughout the night chatting away with her. As you have guessed sleep deprivation means we are back into the mode of needing for Tina's brain to produces some recordable seizures that will provide the necessary information to take the next step toward surgery.
We did receive some good news today regarding the future steps, assuming we get there. If they are able to find her seizure focus and if that seizure focus is operable the pain associated with that operation will be considerably less than the last two surgeries. Because they put the piece of Tina's skull that they took off yesterday in the ice chest (next to the mustard and pickles) rather than back in her head, when they go in to do the surgery to remove the seizure focus there will not be any more significant trauma to her head which means less pain. This is very helpful for Tina to know that the worst is now over regardless of how this all turns out.
We received a bunch of letters from the kids today. We were amazed to open one big envelope from Noah with a bag full of hair in it. For those of you who haven't seen Noah lately he has not had his hair cut in about a year and a half - but along with the bag full of hair was a series of six pictures that chronicled Noah's tribute too his mom as he had his grandpa not only buzz his hair off with the clippers but shaved it right down to the skin with a razor. What an awesome kid.
Today has been a very uneventful day, which is good. I think that I really crashed this morning. I couldn't hardly keep awake even after getting my Starbucks from the cafeteria and so I took a couple hour nap along with Tina. (Yes they have Starbucks, although I'm a bit suspicious that it's not quite up to the normal Starbucks standard.) It's amazing how sitting on your butt all day reading, watching TV, and surfing the Internet can really take it out of you. I'm going to try and get to bed a bit early tonight in the anticipation of doing another marathon sleep deprivation tomorrow.
Thanks again for all your prayers and support they mean more than you can imagine.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
It has been a long day for Tina. She was woken up multiple times throughout the night last night in the expectation that she would go down to the OR abut 8:00. They started another IV, drew blood, talked her through what she needed to do to wash-up with an antiseptic soap, etc. Then when it was determined that she wasn't going to go down to surgery until early-afternoon they let her sleep, only to come in all in a rush at 8:30 because transport was on their way up and no one wants to keep the surgeon waiting.
As you know from my previous post the surgery went well, but clearly Tina is much more wiped out than the first one and is in more pain and so is much more highly medicated. At one point, while they were still connecting the leads from her electrodes to the computer, she thought she might be having a seizure because of the feeling of adrenalin and fast heart rate. The EEG tech checked her out and confirmed she wasn't having a seizure, and the nurse checked her out and confirmed that her heart rate and BP were right were they needed to be... turns out she was just high. Gotta love all that clean living.
As of now she's still very tired and is mostly sleeping. Oh yeah, and she has a head ache. I have to tell you my wife's the man. The nurses and EEG techs remain in awe of her. She comes back from surgery missing a large chunk of her skull and a bunch of wires hanging out of her brain and she's cracking jokes as she's being rolled down the hall. Me, I'd be bawling like a little school girl (no offence to any school girls reading this). Seriously, God has given Tina an amazing out look on all that is going on.. and an amazing pain tolerance.
They gave her anti-seizure meds last night, this morning, and tonight and then will cut her off from here on out as we once again are hoping for seizure activity that will clearly indicate which part of her brain is responsible for her seizures. Please pray that Tina will heal quickly from her surgery and that she will show some good seizure data.
As I laid there in bed last night thinking about the fact that Tina was going back in today for surgery and that we had been in that same position exactly a week earlier, I regretted the fact that I was unable to sleep next to my wife and just be near her throughout the night. I also thought about all the what-ifs. What if something happens? What if all this is for nothing? What if we sit here for another two weeks with no seizures? What if hey determine that where her seizure focus is isn't operable? All valid questions. Understand that these aren't questions that I'm asking in despair or even out of fear, but none the less they are real possibilities and they sometimes do weigh upon my mind. I remember thinking how nice it would be to just wake up and it all was a dream.
This afternoon as I waited while Tina was in surgery, I was reading "True Spirituality" by Francis Schaeffer and something he said struck me. "Is it not true that our thoughts, our prayers for ourselves and those we love, and our conversations are almost entirely aimed at getting rid of the negative at any cost - rather than praying that the negatives might be faced in the proper attitude?"
Certainly this doesn't mean that we don't pray for healing, that we don't pray for good prognosis, that we don't pray that God would bring relief to the negatives in our lives. What it does mean is that when our aim is first and foremost relief we miss the point. I live in a world that seeks to avoid pain at all costs and expends every shred of energy on experiencing the greatest about of pleasure it possibly can. I've lived 35 years on this planet, not a ton I know, but it's long enough to know that it is impossible to avoid pain, and pleasure is continually fleeting. So what to do?
I suppose I can stoically resigning myself to the fact that the world just sucks and then trudge through until I die, but if there is no hope for this life we might as well get it over with now. Or I suppose I can try and make it through with happy thoughts and a good positive outlook, but again experience has taught me that there is no amount of "good" thinking that actually results in a tangibly positive outcome in my life. So what else is there?
Well lest you think I have it all figured out, let me assure you that I am still in the process of coming to grips with the what to do with the negative things in my life. What I have come to realize is that the attitude that offers hope is the attitude as Christ. Paul says in Philippians 2, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!"
I need to have the same attitude as Christ and that attitude was one that did not seek his own relief, but rather he became obedient and embraced the difficulties in his life, recognizing that they had a purpose. For Christ that purpose was the salvation of the world, my purpose is not quite as noble, but it is cast from the same mold and is no less fulfilling. When I am obedient to him and embrace the difficulties in life with the right attitude, I too fulfill my purpose - that of bringing the greatest glory to my Lord and King. I have found that when I can have this attitude I'm able to endure the negative things in life and, as strange as this may sound, there is joy in my life even if there is not relief from pain.
Like I said, this is still a process for me, and anyone who tells you that coming to grips with this is simple, is either deceived or a liar. It is so easy to demand relief from the negative things in my life, and it is so hard to be willing to embrace the negative things in my life as a way in which God can build within me the same attitude of Christ, but hopefully little by little I'm getting there.
As you know from my previous post the surgery went well, but clearly Tina is much more wiped out than the first one and is in more pain and so is much more highly medicated. At one point, while they were still connecting the leads from her electrodes to the computer, she thought she might be having a seizure because of the feeling of adrenalin and fast heart rate. The EEG tech checked her out and confirmed she wasn't having a seizure, and the nurse checked her out and confirmed that her heart rate and BP were right were they needed to be... turns out she was just high. Gotta love all that clean living.
As of now she's still very tired and is mostly sleeping. Oh yeah, and she has a head ache. I have to tell you my wife's the man. The nurses and EEG techs remain in awe of her. She comes back from surgery missing a large chunk of her skull and a bunch of wires hanging out of her brain and she's cracking jokes as she's being rolled down the hall. Me, I'd be bawling like a little school girl (no offence to any school girls reading this). Seriously, God has given Tina an amazing out look on all that is going on.. and an amazing pain tolerance.
They gave her anti-seizure meds last night, this morning, and tonight and then will cut her off from here on out as we once again are hoping for seizure activity that will clearly indicate which part of her brain is responsible for her seizures. Please pray that Tina will heal quickly from her surgery and that she will show some good seizure data.
As I laid there in bed last night thinking about the fact that Tina was going back in today for surgery and that we had been in that same position exactly a week earlier, I regretted the fact that I was unable to sleep next to my wife and just be near her throughout the night. I also thought about all the what-ifs. What if something happens? What if all this is for nothing? What if we sit here for another two weeks with no seizures? What if hey determine that where her seizure focus is isn't operable? All valid questions. Understand that these aren't questions that I'm asking in despair or even out of fear, but none the less they are real possibilities and they sometimes do weigh upon my mind. I remember thinking how nice it would be to just wake up and it all was a dream.
This afternoon as I waited while Tina was in surgery, I was reading "True Spirituality" by Francis Schaeffer and something he said struck me. "Is it not true that our thoughts, our prayers for ourselves and those we love, and our conversations are almost entirely aimed at getting rid of the negative at any cost - rather than praying that the negatives might be faced in the proper attitude?"
Certainly this doesn't mean that we don't pray for healing, that we don't pray for good prognosis, that we don't pray that God would bring relief to the negatives in our lives. What it does mean is that when our aim is first and foremost relief we miss the point. I live in a world that seeks to avoid pain at all costs and expends every shred of energy on experiencing the greatest about of pleasure it possibly can. I've lived 35 years on this planet, not a ton I know, but it's long enough to know that it is impossible to avoid pain, and pleasure is continually fleeting. So what to do?
I suppose I can stoically resigning myself to the fact that the world just sucks and then trudge through until I die, but if there is no hope for this life we might as well get it over with now. Or I suppose I can try and make it through with happy thoughts and a good positive outlook, but again experience has taught me that there is no amount of "good" thinking that actually results in a tangibly positive outcome in my life. So what else is there?
Well lest you think I have it all figured out, let me assure you that I am still in the process of coming to grips with the what to do with the negative things in my life. What I have come to realize is that the attitude that offers hope is the attitude as Christ. Paul says in Philippians 2, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!"
I need to have the same attitude as Christ and that attitude was one that did not seek his own relief, but rather he became obedient and embraced the difficulties in his life, recognizing that they had a purpose. For Christ that purpose was the salvation of the world, my purpose is not quite as noble, but it is cast from the same mold and is no less fulfilling. When I am obedient to him and embrace the difficulties in life with the right attitude, I too fulfill my purpose - that of bringing the greatest glory to my Lord and King. I have found that when I can have this attitude I'm able to endure the negative things in life and, as strange as this may sound, there is joy in my life even if there is not relief from pain.
Like I said, this is still a process for me, and anyone who tells you that coming to grips with this is simple, is either deceived or a liar. It is so easy to demand relief from the negative things in my life, and it is so hard to be willing to embrace the negative things in my life as a way in which God can build within me the same attitude of Christ, but hopefully little by little I'm getting there.
She's Out: Take Two
I just talked to the surgeon and Tina is already out and headed to recovery. He said it went very smooth and very quickly. Good job Dr. Miller. She will now be in recovery for several hours and then back up to the EMU. She'll have a CT scan at some point just to verify that everything is where it needs to be but It sounds like everything went very well.
I'll keep you posted as to how thing progress throughout the day.
I'll keep you posted as to how thing progress throughout the day.
She's In: Take Two
No sooner did I call my and Tina's parents to let them know that surgery would be later today rather than this morning, than did the nurse inform us that transport was on their way up to get Tina for surgery. She is in surgery now and it will likely go about 4 - 5 hours. This time there is no need to do an MRI prior to the surgery so that should cut down on the total time but the actual surgery will be about the same length as the last surgery. At this point I'm unsure how long she'll be in recovery but they are saying that if all goes well she'll go directly back to the EMU from there.
Tina is in good spirits this morning and feels like she's actually slept pretty well the last few nights - which is a good thing because she'll likely be going through another sleep deprivation later this week. It is truly amazing the amount of peace that she has had through this whole thing. I'm probably more anxious about this stuff than she is and I'm not the one getting my brain cut out, but in the end we all know that when it comes to medical stuff I'm a complete wimp.
We would once again ask for your prayers for Tina as she undergoes this surgery. We feel confident that it will go well and that God would provide his hand of protection upon her, but it is a bit more serious than the last one given the fact that this time they're popping the lid off... I mean removing a section of her skull, and so we would ask for your prayers as the surgeon performs this procedure.
I can not express enough gratitude for everyone who is praying for Tina, we have certainly felt carried along by the Holy Spirit as we have spent this past week in Cleveland on our own. We are thankful for good friends who have made the sacrifice to travel to Cleveland to spend time with us as well as Tina's friend from Newaygo who now lives down here and surprised her with a visit last night, but in the end being so far away from home has been difficult for Tina. All the same, we have felt God's presence in our lives, and have not felt alone.
Please pray and I'll keep you posted.
Tina is in good spirits this morning and feels like she's actually slept pretty well the last few nights - which is a good thing because she'll likely be going through another sleep deprivation later this week. It is truly amazing the amount of peace that she has had through this whole thing. I'm probably more anxious about this stuff than she is and I'm not the one getting my brain cut out, but in the end we all know that when it comes to medical stuff I'm a complete wimp.
We would once again ask for your prayers for Tina as she undergoes this surgery. We feel confident that it will go well and that God would provide his hand of protection upon her, but it is a bit more serious than the last one given the fact that this time they're popping the lid off... I mean removing a section of her skull, and so we would ask for your prayers as the surgeon performs this procedure.
I can not express enough gratitude for everyone who is praying for Tina, we have certainly felt carried along by the Holy Spirit as we have spent this past week in Cleveland on our own. We are thankful for good friends who have made the sacrifice to travel to Cleveland to spend time with us as well as Tina's friend from Newaygo who now lives down here and surprised her with a visit last night, but in the end being so far away from home has been difficult for Tina. All the same, we have felt God's presence in our lives, and have not felt alone.
Please pray and I'll keep you posted.
Still Sleeping
At some point last night somebody from the surgical team rolled through and thought that Tina's surgery would likely end up being sometime early afternoon. We haven't been given a definitive time yet but given the fact that it's nearly 8:00 and Tina is still sleeping I'm pretty sure she won't be heading down to OR any time soon.
I'll post more when I know more.
I'll post more when I know more.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Surgery Number Two
Well tomorrow (Wednesday) Tina will be going back into surgery to once again have electrodes placed in/on her brain in order to try and determine where her seizures are coming from. This time the surgery is a bit more involved and a bit more complicated. Still overall the risk is very low and is the next step we need to take to help Tina become seizure free.
She will likely be headed back down to the OR from the EMU around 8:00 or so. I'm not completely sure what time she'll actually go into surgery but it will be mid-morning. I'll keep you posted as to when she goes in and how things progress. Her recovery will be a bit harder this time but they will be keeping a close eye on her pain and help her manage through that.
As we we sit here in the EMU and anticipate surgery tomorrow morning there is a certain heightened level of anxiety but Tina and I are again confident in knowing that God is in control of all that is going to happen and is not surprised by the fact that we are headed back in for another surgery.
Thanks again for your prayers and your encouragement.
She will likely be headed back down to the OR from the EMU around 8:00 or so. I'm not completely sure what time she'll actually go into surgery but it will be mid-morning. I'll keep you posted as to when she goes in and how things progress. Her recovery will be a bit harder this time but they will be keeping a close eye on her pain and help her manage through that.
As we we sit here in the EMU and anticipate surgery tomorrow morning there is a certain heightened level of anxiety but Tina and I are again confident in knowing that God is in control of all that is going to happen and is not surprised by the fact that we are headed back in for another surgery.
Thanks again for your prayers and your encouragement.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
Well, the doctors were able to "read" the EEG from Tina's seizure last night but it has mixed results. They found that the seizures are not coming from the part of Tina's brain that they thought they were coming from. They had originally thought they were coming from a very interior part of her brain but based on her EEG they now believe that they are coming from a place much near the surface of her brain. On one hand this is good because there is less long term risk to removing part of her brain that is nearer the surface, but there is a problem. The depth electrodes that they inserted during her surgery last Wednesday are not in the correct location to be able to pin point a seizure focus that is nearer the surface of her brain. That means that they will need to remove the depth electrodes and replace them with electrodes that are placed on the surface of her brain (another surgery) and then once again wait for more seizures to provide the data necessary to locate where her seizures are coming from.
We were just given the word that Wednesday they will be going in and surgically removing at least some of the depth electrodes and then add electrodes to the surface of her brain. She will then return to the EMU and wait another week in the hope of having more seizures that will tell them where her seizures are coming from. Assuming that happens they will then likely do surgery a week from Wednesday (7/28 I think).
Please continue to pray for Tina. She doesn't always do well with sudden changes in plan and the reality of staying in the EMU for another week is not one she's real excited about. They are also telling her that the surgery to place the electrodes on the brain's surface is considerably more painful because they have to now remove a section of her skull to do this. Amazingly Tina has no pain at all associated with her depth electrodes, so again she's not all that excited about sitting in the EMU again but this time with pain.
Please pray for our Children as well as this will mean another week away from us. They are doing well as they stay with family but I'm sure it will begin to wear on them as time goes on.
Thanks again to all who continue to pray for us and send your notes of encouragement as we once again walk down a path that, at least to us, is "untraceable."
We were just given the word that Wednesday they will be going in and surgically removing at least some of the depth electrodes and then add electrodes to the surface of her brain. She will then return to the EMU and wait another week in the hope of having more seizures that will tell them where her seizures are coming from. Assuming that happens they will then likely do surgery a week from Wednesday (7/28 I think).
Please continue to pray for Tina. She doesn't always do well with sudden changes in plan and the reality of staying in the EMU for another week is not one she's real excited about. They are also telling her that the surgery to place the electrodes on the brain's surface is considerably more painful because they have to now remove a section of her skull to do this. Amazingly Tina has no pain at all associated with her depth electrodes, so again she's not all that excited about sitting in the EMU again but this time with pain.
Please pray for our Children as well as this will mean another week away from us. They are doing well as they stay with family but I'm sure it will begin to wear on them as time goes on.
Thanks again to all who continue to pray for us and send your notes of encouragement as we once again walk down a path that, at least to us, is "untraceable."
Comments
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Seizure
It seems hard to believe that it was only a week ago that we left Rockford to drive down to Cleveland but believe it or not the time does go by fairly quickly (other than when you're sitting up at 3:30am and realize that you still have at least 16 hours left before you can go to sleep).
Yesterday started off a bit rough for Tina. As I mentioned on my last post they had Tina on sleep deprivation and when it was all said and done she ended up staying awake from 7:00am on Thursday morning to 10:30pm on Friday night (about 39 hours with no sleep). At about 3:30pm on Friday the EEG tech told her that if she actually made it to 7:00pm (which was her original goal) she would hold the record for sleep deprivation. I think they tell you that they want you to stay up until 7:00pm the next day just as something to shoot for, fully expecting that you'll only make it to about 4:00am. Little do they know that when Tina is motivated to get something done there's little you can do to stop her, and let me tell you she was motivated to have a seizure. She figured that if sleep deprivation would cause a seizure then she would just stay awake until she had one. Finally, by 10:00pm when the Tiger game went into a rain delay, I was able to convince her that perhaps 40 hours with no sleep might be good enough and she should try to get some shut eye.
She slept for maybe 10 or 11 hours but when she woke up yesterday morning I think the disappointment finally hit her that she had stayed up for almost 40 yours with nothing to show for it. She was pretty discouraged at the thought that we were going to have to sit in the EMU for months. We were able to talk and pray about it and as the day went on she felt better and better (thanks to all of you who are praying for Tina - your prayers were certainly felt as we battled the discouragement of no seizures).
We spent the rest of the day watching the Tigers get trounced, again, by the Indians, played a rousing game of Skip-Bo (the Hovinghs would be proud), watching some cool cable shows we never get to see at home, and plenty of reading and Facebook.
At about 9:30 last night Tina decided to catch up on Facebook stuff while I watched a movie, when the nurse came in and asked Tina how she was doing, which we didn't think much of until she asked her to remember the color blue and asked her if she knew her name. Tina looked at her funny and rather than answering her asked, "why, am I having a seizure?" The nurse said that the EEG tech said she was showing some activity, but when Tina answered all her questions the nurse left and Tina went back to Facebook. 20 seconds later the nurse came back in and started asking more intense questions about who I was, wanted her to point at the window, and those kinds of things (pretty standard questions for when someone is having a seizure).
On a side note: does it make me a sick person that about a year ago when our last cat (Scarlet) was having a seizure in the basement and Tina came and got me wanting me to go down and help her, that I went down the stairs and said, "Kitty, remember the color green. Point at the window, Kitty. Do you know what day it is? Kitty, where are you?" I guess it's just how my sick mind works. Tina thought it was funny... I think.
Again Tina was able to answer all of the nurses questions just fine and didn't feel anything funny other than she felt like her eyes were being strained looking at the computer. The longer they asked her questions Tina finally said that if they kept asking questions she just might have a seizure and about that time she stopped and said that yes she now felt the seizure. Unfortunately the seizure didn't stop there. It continued on and eventually she ended up having a grand mal. In all the whole seizure lasted maybe 5 minutes or so and it sounds like they may have gotten some good information from the simple-partial seizure she had before she generalized (grand mal).
We are very thankful that Tina was able to have a seizure, which sounds weird, but we're still not sure yet if that seizure provided enough information for them to be able to feel confident with moving ahead with surgery on Wednesday. Ideally they want her to have several seizures before they move forward with surgery to be sure that all of her seizures are in fact coming from the same location in her brain. If they don't feel comfortable with what they have they will hold off on surgery until she has more seizures even if that means rescheduling her surgery to a later date.
For those of you who have never witnessed a grand mal seizure, after the seizing part ends the brain does a kind of "re-boot" and shuts down completely for a while. Tina was unconscious for about half an hour or so and eventually "woke" up and was wondering why I was standing there looking at her EEG monitor. I am so thankful that Tina has no memory of her seizures, no doubt that the actual seizures are far more traumatic for those who witness them than it is for those who actually have them. To Tina she remembers them coming in asking her all her questions, and then eventually feeling her deja-vu and her normal symptoms of her simple-partial seizures, then she just feels like she must have fallen asleep and then woke up from a nap with no other memory.
As for me, I hate watching grand mal seizures. Tina tries talking me into not watching, but there is no way that I can not watch. As much as I hate it I need to witness it so that I can accurately communicate what I see to the doctors. Even this morning they wanted to know if there was anything different with this seizure from her others - if I don't' watch them I can't pass on that information. I hate it, but I also know that this is one of those occasions when I need to strap on the armor, suck it up, and do what I need to do for my wife. As much as I would like to check out when she's thrashing around like she's demon possessed, I need to be there and stay there. I hope that doesn't sound too caviler but that's the way it is.
The second thing that I had to come to grips with as I sat in Tina's room after her seizure, when the nurses and EEG techs had left, and Tina was still unconscious, was that Tina had just had a seizure and the possibility of brain surgery had become that much more of a real possibility. I realized that although I had been praying for a seizure there was a certain part of me that was hopeful that if she didn't have any seizures then they wouldn't be able to do surgery - not anymore. This reminded me of what we call at our church a "theology of suffering."
In a nutshell a theology of suffering is the recognition that first of all we live in a broken world. Because of sin (mine included) this world no longer works. Pain, sickness, oppression, disease, and suffering are all a result of the sin that started with Adam back in the garden of Eden and is perpetuated each day by every one of us. However, the good news is that "where sin increased, grace increased all the more..." (Romans 5:20) So if sin (mine included) is the cause of so much suffering in the world, it is grace, God's grace, which redeems the lost and broken world that we live in even if for the moment we must remain in it.
So as I sat and watched my wife lay there unconscious from her seizure, faced with the real possibility of brain surgery I was reminded of the bigger picture that my King gave his life to redeem a world that do to it's sin makes suffering possible and that although sin and the effects of sin increase all around me, grace increases MORE.
I cannot tell you, in spite of the difficulty of the moment, how much hope there is in knowing that pain and suffering are not the final word on our existence here on earth. Earlier in chapter 5 of Romans Paul says:
How grateful I am that my King has died to give me hope that my suffering is not in vain, but that my suffering has a purpose and that purpose is to produce hope in me through the Holy Spirit. Hope that because Christ died for me and I've accepted his gift of salvation, one day, when he overthrows the present order of things and sin, and pain, and suffering no longer exist, I will be there to see it - what a glorious day that will be.
Tina is doing well this morning. She is much encouraged by her seizure last night and is her normal self. We are still waiting to hear the results of the data from her seizure last night and what that might mean for surgery on Wednesday. We'll keep you posted.
Yesterday started off a bit rough for Tina. As I mentioned on my last post they had Tina on sleep deprivation and when it was all said and done she ended up staying awake from 7:00am on Thursday morning to 10:30pm on Friday night (about 39 hours with no sleep). At about 3:30pm on Friday the EEG tech told her that if she actually made it to 7:00pm (which was her original goal) she would hold the record for sleep deprivation. I think they tell you that they want you to stay up until 7:00pm the next day just as something to shoot for, fully expecting that you'll only make it to about 4:00am. Little do they know that when Tina is motivated to get something done there's little you can do to stop her, and let me tell you she was motivated to have a seizure. She figured that if sleep deprivation would cause a seizure then she would just stay awake until she had one. Finally, by 10:00pm when the Tiger game went into a rain delay, I was able to convince her that perhaps 40 hours with no sleep might be good enough and she should try to get some shut eye.
She slept for maybe 10 or 11 hours but when she woke up yesterday morning I think the disappointment finally hit her that she had stayed up for almost 40 yours with nothing to show for it. She was pretty discouraged at the thought that we were going to have to sit in the EMU for months. We were able to talk and pray about it and as the day went on she felt better and better (thanks to all of you who are praying for Tina - your prayers were certainly felt as we battled the discouragement of no seizures).
We spent the rest of the day watching the Tigers get trounced, again, by the Indians, played a rousing game of Skip-Bo (the Hovinghs would be proud), watching some cool cable shows we never get to see at home, and plenty of reading and Facebook.
At about 9:30 last night Tina decided to catch up on Facebook stuff while I watched a movie, when the nurse came in and asked Tina how she was doing, which we didn't think much of until she asked her to remember the color blue and asked her if she knew her name. Tina looked at her funny and rather than answering her asked, "why, am I having a seizure?" The nurse said that the EEG tech said she was showing some activity, but when Tina answered all her questions the nurse left and Tina went back to Facebook. 20 seconds later the nurse came back in and started asking more intense questions about who I was, wanted her to point at the window, and those kinds of things (pretty standard questions for when someone is having a seizure).
On a side note: does it make me a sick person that about a year ago when our last cat (Scarlet) was having a seizure in the basement and Tina came and got me wanting me to go down and help her, that I went down the stairs and said, "Kitty, remember the color green. Point at the window, Kitty. Do you know what day it is? Kitty, where are you?" I guess it's just how my sick mind works. Tina thought it was funny... I think.
Again Tina was able to answer all of the nurses questions just fine and didn't feel anything funny other than she felt like her eyes were being strained looking at the computer. The longer they asked her questions Tina finally said that if they kept asking questions she just might have a seizure and about that time she stopped and said that yes she now felt the seizure. Unfortunately the seizure didn't stop there. It continued on and eventually she ended up having a grand mal. In all the whole seizure lasted maybe 5 minutes or so and it sounds like they may have gotten some good information from the simple-partial seizure she had before she generalized (grand mal).
We are very thankful that Tina was able to have a seizure, which sounds weird, but we're still not sure yet if that seizure provided enough information for them to be able to feel confident with moving ahead with surgery on Wednesday. Ideally they want her to have several seizures before they move forward with surgery to be sure that all of her seizures are in fact coming from the same location in her brain. If they don't feel comfortable with what they have they will hold off on surgery until she has more seizures even if that means rescheduling her surgery to a later date.
For those of you who have never witnessed a grand mal seizure, after the seizing part ends the brain does a kind of "re-boot" and shuts down completely for a while. Tina was unconscious for about half an hour or so and eventually "woke" up and was wondering why I was standing there looking at her EEG monitor. I am so thankful that Tina has no memory of her seizures, no doubt that the actual seizures are far more traumatic for those who witness them than it is for those who actually have them. To Tina she remembers them coming in asking her all her questions, and then eventually feeling her deja-vu and her normal symptoms of her simple-partial seizures, then she just feels like she must have fallen asleep and then woke up from a nap with no other memory.
As for me, I hate watching grand mal seizures. Tina tries talking me into not watching, but there is no way that I can not watch. As much as I hate it I need to witness it so that I can accurately communicate what I see to the doctors. Even this morning they wanted to know if there was anything different with this seizure from her others - if I don't' watch them I can't pass on that information. I hate it, but I also know that this is one of those occasions when I need to strap on the armor, suck it up, and do what I need to do for my wife. As much as I would like to check out when she's thrashing around like she's demon possessed, I need to be there and stay there. I hope that doesn't sound too caviler but that's the way it is.
The second thing that I had to come to grips with as I sat in Tina's room after her seizure, when the nurses and EEG techs had left, and Tina was still unconscious, was that Tina had just had a seizure and the possibility of brain surgery had become that much more of a real possibility. I realized that although I had been praying for a seizure there was a certain part of me that was hopeful that if she didn't have any seizures then they wouldn't be able to do surgery - not anymore. This reminded me of what we call at our church a "theology of suffering."
In a nutshell a theology of suffering is the recognition that first of all we live in a broken world. Because of sin (mine included) this world no longer works. Pain, sickness, oppression, disease, and suffering are all a result of the sin that started with Adam back in the garden of Eden and is perpetuated each day by every one of us. However, the good news is that "where sin increased, grace increased all the more..." (Romans 5:20) So if sin (mine included) is the cause of so much suffering in the world, it is grace, God's grace, which redeems the lost and broken world that we live in even if for the moment we must remain in it.
So as I sat and watched my wife lay there unconscious from her seizure, faced with the real possibility of brain surgery I was reminded of the bigger picture that my King gave his life to redeem a world that do to it's sin makes suffering possible and that although sin and the effects of sin increase all around me, grace increases MORE.
I cannot tell you, in spite of the difficulty of the moment, how much hope there is in knowing that pain and suffering are not the final word on our existence here on earth. Earlier in chapter 5 of Romans Paul says:
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us,
because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit,
whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time,
when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man,
though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
-Romans 5:2b-8
How grateful I am that my King has died to give me hope that my suffering is not in vain, but that my suffering has a purpose and that purpose is to produce hope in me through the Holy Spirit. Hope that because Christ died for me and I've accepted his gift of salvation, one day, when he overthrows the present order of things and sin, and pain, and suffering no longer exist, I will be there to see it - what a glorious day that will be.
Tina is doing well this morning. She is much encouraged by her seizure last night and is her normal self. We are still waiting to hear the results of the data from her seizure last night and what that might mean for surgery on Wednesday. We'll keep you posted.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
33 Hours and Counting
Tina has now gone nearly 33 hours without sleep. Sleep deprivation is one of those little tricks of the trade that the EMU use to try and get their patients to have a seizure. So far - no dice. They have detected some seizure-type activity but no seizures. The neurologist is now telling us that they really need to have seizures in order to proceed with surgery, so we are really praying that something happens. Tina is really motivated to stay awake as long as she can to try and see if she can wear out her brain and conjure something up.
Unfortunately I'm fried and so this blog post isn't going to say a whole lot - certainly no sermons. Thanks again to all who have sent messages of encouragement, Tina and I greatly appreciate it. We'll keep you posted as thing progress.
Unfortunately I'm fried and so this blog post isn't going to say a whole lot - certainly no sermons. Thanks again to all who have sent messages of encouragement, Tina and I greatly appreciate it. We'll keep you posted as thing progress.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Long Wait Starts
Everything went well yesterday. Tina arrived in her room at about 2:00 pretty groggy from the anesthesia. She also had a head ache - go figure. Pretty soon after she arrived they connected the 10 electrodes that are implanted in her brain to the computer and started recording her brain activity. As she became more awake her head started hurting more and they gave her a small dose of Morphine for the pain. She also was getting pretty hungry since she hadn't eaten anything in 24 hours so she ordered a light dinner which she "egressed" shortly after. Poor girl.
About 9:00 they realized that she hadn't gotten her CT scan so they had to disconnect her electrodes and take her back down for her scan. The results came back that all he electrodes were exactly where they needed to be. (Good job Dr. Miller.) They plugged her back in, we watched a couple episodes of Myth Busters and decided that Tina had better get some sleep. In the end she didn't sleep very good, as anyone who has ever been through surgery knows the nurses come in every 15 minutes to check something or ask some question, and when the nurse isn't there some machine starts beeping, a BP cuff starts pumping up, or those stupid leg things turn on.
This morning she was able to keep a breakfast of Cream of Wheat down which is good and I was able to talk the nurse into disconnecting her catheter, BP cuff, O2 wire, and her "leg warmers". With any luck I'll get them to let her put her regular PJs on after she wakes up from her nap.
Now we sit and wait for her brain to have some kind of seizure activity that they can capture which will tell them where they need to operate. It may sound strange that we want her to have seizures but that is what will help the doctors make an accurate decision about the next step. The ideal situation would be that she have a series of simple partial (not grand mal) seizures that clearly show what part of her brain is causing the seizures. What we don't want are grand mal seizures. Unfortunately, Tina's track record is that off her meds her simple partial seizures eventually escalate into grand mal's. The other unfortunate thing is that Tina also tends to not be able to produce seizures on demand. It isn't as simple as going off her meds and bingo seizures. So please pray that God would provide all that is needed in this area as well.
Pray for Tina during this time in the EMU. She can become discouraged just laying in bed, especially when she doesn't have any seizure activity. She gets board and feels like when nothing is happening that she's wasting her time here. Seven days is a long time to be plugged into the wall with a short cord.
We are so grateful for all those who have offered prayers for us, and we have heard from so many of you who are following this blog to keep up to date with what is going on with Tina here in Cleveland, but it is our greatest desire that our time here would not be primarily about Tina and Matt, but that God's glory would be displayed through us. Here comes the sermon:
Paul tells us in Colossians 1 that all things were created by Christ and all things were created for Christ - that includes us. Paul goes on to say that God's purpose in all this is to reconcile to himself all things by making peace through his blood. We hold firm to the fact that we were created by Christ so that we would bring him glory and so that we could enjoy him forever. We also hold firm to the fact that this was made possible only through what Christ did for us on the cross and not through anything we could do to make ourselves acceptable to him. Paul says that God reconciled us to himself not that we reconciled ourselves to God.
So whether we find ourselves stuck in the EMU for 7 days or faced with brain surgery and all the uncertainty that comes with that, we do so with an attitude of gratitude. Jesus made me, for himself and he bought me with his own blood so that I could be with him forever - how could I be anything but grateful.
About 9:00 they realized that she hadn't gotten her CT scan so they had to disconnect her electrodes and take her back down for her scan. The results came back that all he electrodes were exactly where they needed to be. (Good job Dr. Miller.) They plugged her back in, we watched a couple episodes of Myth Busters and decided that Tina had better get some sleep. In the end she didn't sleep very good, as anyone who has ever been through surgery knows the nurses come in every 15 minutes to check something or ask some question, and when the nurse isn't there some machine starts beeping, a BP cuff starts pumping up, or those stupid leg things turn on.
This morning she was able to keep a breakfast of Cream of Wheat down which is good and I was able to talk the nurse into disconnecting her catheter, BP cuff, O2 wire, and her "leg warmers". With any luck I'll get them to let her put her regular PJs on after she wakes up from her nap.
Now we sit and wait for her brain to have some kind of seizure activity that they can capture which will tell them where they need to operate. It may sound strange that we want her to have seizures but that is what will help the doctors make an accurate decision about the next step. The ideal situation would be that she have a series of simple partial (not grand mal) seizures that clearly show what part of her brain is causing the seizures. What we don't want are grand mal seizures. Unfortunately, Tina's track record is that off her meds her simple partial seizures eventually escalate into grand mal's. The other unfortunate thing is that Tina also tends to not be able to produce seizures on demand. It isn't as simple as going off her meds and bingo seizures. So please pray that God would provide all that is needed in this area as well.
Pray for Tina during this time in the EMU. She can become discouraged just laying in bed, especially when she doesn't have any seizure activity. She gets board and feels like when nothing is happening that she's wasting her time here. Seven days is a long time to be plugged into the wall with a short cord.
We are so grateful for all those who have offered prayers for us, and we have heard from so many of you who are following this blog to keep up to date with what is going on with Tina here in Cleveland, but it is our greatest desire that our time here would not be primarily about Tina and Matt, but that God's glory would be displayed through us. Here comes the sermon:
Paul tells us in Colossians 1 that all things were created by Christ and all things were created for Christ - that includes us. Paul goes on to say that God's purpose in all this is to reconcile to himself all things by making peace through his blood. We hold firm to the fact that we were created by Christ so that we would bring him glory and so that we could enjoy him forever. We also hold firm to the fact that this was made possible only through what Christ did for us on the cross and not through anything we could do to make ourselves acceptable to him. Paul says that God reconciled us to himself not that we reconciled ourselves to God.
So whether we find ourselves stuck in the EMU for 7 days or faced with brain surgery and all the uncertainty that comes with that, we do so with an attitude of gratitude. Jesus made me, for himself and he bought me with his own blood so that I could be with him forever - how could I be anything but grateful.
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!
"Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?"
"Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
- Romans 11:33-36
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
She's Out
I just talked to the surgeon and Tina is now out of surgery. He said everything went very smoothly and it didn't take nearly as long as he thought it might. They will do another CT scan to check the electrode placement and then she will be in recovery for about two hours. Hopefully I'll be able to go in and see her soon. After recovery they'll move her right over to the EMU (Epilepsy Monitoring Unit) where she'll be plugged in for the next 7 days.
Thank you to all for your prayers. I have certainly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit as I have waited. Others that I am waiting with have commented on just how calm I seam to be - this is clear indication of the peace that comes from knowing the One who is in control of all things.
Please continue to pray as we enter the next phase of our stay here in Cleveland. Although the stress of the EMU stay may not be as intense as the surgery it can be much more wearing as the days drag on.
Thank you to all for your prayers. I have certainly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit as I have waited. Others that I am waiting with have commented on just how calm I seam to be - this is clear indication of the peace that comes from knowing the One who is in control of all things.
Please continue to pray as we enter the next phase of our stay here in Cleveland. Although the stress of the EMU stay may not be as intense as the surgery it can be much more wearing as the days drag on.
She's In
Tina was taken in at about 8:30 and was in great spirits. She was all smiles when they shaved her hair off. (I'm trying to upload a pic but blogspot doesn't seam to want to let me. I did manage to get it up on Facebook though.)
She will be in prep and MRI for a couple of hours and then off to surgery to implant the electrodes for another 3 - 4 hours. She'll be under for about 5- 7 hours total. They just told me that she's been taken into surgery at 10:30, so now starts the real stuff...
Thanks for all those who are praying. God has truly given Tina an amazing peace about all that is going on.
She will be in prep and MRI for a couple of hours and then off to surgery to implant the electrodes for another 3 - 4 hours. She'll be under for about 5- 7 hours total. They just told me that she's been taken into surgery at 10:30, so now starts the real stuff...
Thanks for all those who are praying. God has truly given Tina an amazing peace about all that is going on.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
On Your Mark...
We arrived in Cleveland around 10:00pm Monday night. We weren't able to leave quite as early as we had hoped. I had to make an unplanned stop to see my dentist at the last minute (stupid tooth), so we got a bit of late start. The trip down was completely uneventful, just the way we like it.
After a poor night's sleep, we got up to a smoggy Cleveland sunrise, and headed out to the hospital for our 11:00 appointment. Tina spent a couple of hours getting poked, swabbed, and submitted the contents of her bladder for testing to make sure she was good to go for surgery tomorrow morning. We haven't heard anything from the hospital so we assume we've got the green light for tomorrow.
Tomorrow we need to be to the hospital by 6:15. She will be taken to pre-op where she'll get her IV and that lovely hospital apparel - oh yeah - and get her head shaved. From there she'll be given her general anesthesia and taken down for an MRI which the surgeon will use to know where to insert the electrodes. I think the procedure is fairly quick and then she'll go into recovery for a few hours and then over to the EMU (Epilepsy Monitoring Unit). This is where we'll spend the next 7 days as they monitor the electrodes for data to inform the surgeon as to what part of Tina's brain is causing the seizures.
Please pray that Tina's brain will produce adequate and accurate data from which the doctors can make a proper assessment. Please also pray for our children. We got a call from Meg last night about 11:00 wanting us to come home. She misses Tina and is already counting off the days before we'll be home - to her it feels like an eternity.
Tina is still doing well with the reality of surgery tomorrow morning, although maybe a bit more nervous than before. I find myself much more on the anxious side of things. As we talked with the surgeon's nurse and she ran us through what to expect for the next two weeks I must admit that I am not without my worries. It is not an easy thing to think about your wife with a big zipper going down the center of her head from her forehead to the back of her neck.
There is true comfort in knowing that it is in God's plan for Tina to be a zipper-head (sorry if that sounds insensitive but... well... get over it), at the same time there is the reality that this world is also full of pain and difficulty and no sane human ever relishes being in the middle of those painful and difficult circumstances. So lest this sound more "spiritual" than it is, know that I am still learning to follow what my Lord's half-brother said when he encourages us to "consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
It is my desire to be mature, complete, lacking nothing, but I must admit that I still have a way to go because I'm not sure that I can look at my path or Tina's path for the next two weeks and consider it pure joy. I trust my God and I believe he is good and that he will use these trials to make me into the man he wants me to be, but I am not sure I can stand on this side of this trial and consider it joy. However, I do believe that there will be a day, with God's help, that I will be able to look back and joyfully recognize God's sovereign hand upon Tina and my life as we enter into the reality of brain surgery tomorrow.
After a poor night's sleep, we got up to a smoggy Cleveland sunrise, and headed out to the hospital for our 11:00 appointment. Tina spent a couple of hours getting poked, swabbed, and submitted the contents of her bladder for testing to make sure she was good to go for surgery tomorrow morning. We haven't heard anything from the hospital so we assume we've got the green light for tomorrow.
Tomorrow we need to be to the hospital by 6:15. She will be taken to pre-op where she'll get her IV and that lovely hospital apparel - oh yeah - and get her head shaved. From there she'll be given her general anesthesia and taken down for an MRI which the surgeon will use to know where to insert the electrodes. I think the procedure is fairly quick and then she'll go into recovery for a few hours and then over to the EMU (Epilepsy Monitoring Unit). This is where we'll spend the next 7 days as they monitor the electrodes for data to inform the surgeon as to what part of Tina's brain is causing the seizures.
Please pray that Tina's brain will produce adequate and accurate data from which the doctors can make a proper assessment. Please also pray for our children. We got a call from Meg last night about 11:00 wanting us to come home. She misses Tina and is already counting off the days before we'll be home - to her it feels like an eternity.
Tina is still doing well with the reality of surgery tomorrow morning, although maybe a bit more nervous than before. I find myself much more on the anxious side of things. As we talked with the surgeon's nurse and she ran us through what to expect for the next two weeks I must admit that I am not without my worries. It is not an easy thing to think about your wife with a big zipper going down the center of her head from her forehead to the back of her neck.
There is true comfort in knowing that it is in God's plan for Tina to be a zipper-head (sorry if that sounds insensitive but... well... get over it), at the same time there is the reality that this world is also full of pain and difficulty and no sane human ever relishes being in the middle of those painful and difficult circumstances. So lest this sound more "spiritual" than it is, know that I am still learning to follow what my Lord's half-brother said when he encourages us to "consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
It is my desire to be mature, complete, lacking nothing, but I must admit that I still have a way to go because I'm not sure that I can look at my path or Tina's path for the next two weeks and consider it pure joy. I trust my God and I believe he is good and that he will use these trials to make me into the man he wants me to be, but I am not sure I can stand on this side of this trial and consider it joy. However, I do believe that there will be a day, with God's help, that I will be able to look back and joyfully recognize God's sovereign hand upon Tina and my life as we enter into the reality of brain surgery tomorrow.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Headed Out
We're headed out in a couple of hours. The kids just left for Grayling and are excited to spend the week with cousins. We had a good long talk with them last night and as you can imagine they have many fears and anxieties about what might happen. In the end we all know that we are in God's hands and that no matter what happens we confess that God is good, He is in control, and he is loving - and even if this thing turns south none of that changes.
We were reminded again yesterday with our close friends who discovered that their new baby girl has a tumor on her brain, that often times life takes turns we don't expect and would not take if we could choose. Once again I think of what Paul says in Romans 11- God's paths for us are untraceable.
We cannot see where this path is taking us nor did we choose this path, but what we have chosen is to follow our King no matter what and so if this is the untraceable path he has for us we will gladly follow it even when it takes a bend in the road and disappears into the woods where we cannot see what is up ahead. However we take hope in the fact that we know the one who made this path and the "the depth of the riches of [his] wisdom and knowledge" are unspeakable, and so we will follow this path with an open heart. We recognize that from Him are all things and that through Him do all things exist and pray that in all things we would live our lives TO Him. "To him be the GLORY forever!
We were reminded again yesterday with our close friends who discovered that their new baby girl has a tumor on her brain, that often times life takes turns we don't expect and would not take if we could choose. Once again I think of what Paul says in Romans 11- God's paths for us are untraceable.
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!
"Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?"
"Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
- Romans 11: 33-36
We cannot see where this path is taking us nor did we choose this path, but what we have chosen is to follow our King no matter what and so if this is the untraceable path he has for us we will gladly follow it even when it takes a bend in the road and disappears into the woods where we cannot see what is up ahead. However we take hope in the fact that we know the one who made this path and the "the depth of the riches of [his] wisdom and knowledge" are unspeakable, and so we will follow this path with an open heart. We recognize that from Him are all things and that through Him do all things exist and pray that in all things we would live our lives TO Him. "To him be the GLORY forever!
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