Early Easter morning, four and a half years ago, life for our family changed forever. I awoke to the sound of an otherworldly noise and Tina’s body convulsing uncontrollably. That event began us onto a path where we would discover that Tina was suffering from late onset Epilepsy. That path would include long periods of Tina being home-bound and a non-stop roller-coaster of trying to figure out which medications would strike the best balance between controlling her seizures but also limit the debilitating side-effects of chronic fatigue and loss of focus – that effort has only been marginally successful.

On July 14th 2010, our path took another turn when Tina underwent a five week long surgical procedure where doctors at University Hospitals in Cleveland Ohio implanted multiple electrodes into her brain in the hope that this would allow them to locate the spot in her brain that is responsible for her seizures and then surgically remove that spot in an attempt to control her seizures without medication. Unfortunately after 3 surgical attempts to locating this seizure focus, the clock ran out and the risk of continuing this procedure became too great, so they removed all of the electrodes, and sent her home with very little to show for our 5 weeks in the hospital.

When we left Cleveland two summers ago we couldn't imagine that we would go back anytime soon. Those five weeks in the hospital were very disappointing for Tina and difficult for our kids. However, over the course of the last year and a half, Tina's seizures have become progressively more frequent, and medications have become progressively less effective at controlling her seizures. So, after consulting with Tina's neurologists, it is clear that we are in for yet another turn in the path of life.

We will once again be making the trip to University Hospitals in Cleveland, and on Wednesday January 11th, Tina will once again undergo the same procedure to implant electrodes in her brain to monitor seizure activity in the hope that they can determine the physical location of her seizures and surgically remove it.

This is not a path that we went looking for nor did we anticipate how sharply our lives would change literally over night when four and a half years ago these seizures began. There have been days when we have wondered as to why these things were happening and what God was up to in this. What we have learned is best summed up by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the church at Rome where he said that the paths that God lays out for us are "beyond tracing out." We may not understand this path or where it’s leading us, but what we do know is that we would rather follow God’s untraceable path than to follow any path we could lay out for ourselves. This blog is our attempt to bring others along with us as we walk along God’s untraceable path.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

She's In

It's about 9:00am and Tina is back into surgery.  We were to the hospital around 6:30, and they took her back to pre-op holding area around 7:30 or so.  She has the same anesthesiologist as last time (who claims she remembers us).  Even the guy who shaved her head said he remembers us.  I had to challenge that one, but he sticks to his story that he first recognized her name and then definitely remembers her face - so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Tina slept well last night and is in great spirits this morning and feeling very confident.  She's ready to get this thing going so we can get it over with.  It still amazes me how freaked out people look here.  We sit in surgical admitting, then the waiting area, then the pre-op holding area and everywhere you look are people who look like they are so afraid.  I have no idea what they are there for, nor what they've been through but it never ceases to amaze me that here we are - Tina is going in to have her brain cut out and we're sitting there with smiles on our faces, joking with the doctors and nurses, and just at ease and peaceful.

I can't tell you how grateful we are for the confidence that comes from knowing the One who holds all things in his hand including Tina and the doctors.  Nothing happens that he is unaware of and even more he loves us more deeply than we could ever imagine.  If that doesn't give you confidence in the midst of difficulty I don't know what does.  And it isn't that we are without fear and anxiety, or that we have s sadistic view on difficulty - like we go looking for it - but we are supremely confident that our God loves us and our future is secure.  What's the worst that could happen?  Sure Tina could die on the OR table, but is that really the worst thing?  If she dies she goes home to be with Jesus - sounds pretty good to me.  As for me, sure I'll miss her, and there will be significant pain and hurt but the truth is that it's only a matter of time and I'll see her again.  So I ask you, in light of that truth, what's to fear?

No, we don't think Tina is going to die or anything even close to that.  My point simply is that when your hope and confidence is not based in this world and human efforts you're able to sit in a hospital on the verge of brain surgery, surrounded by all kinds of people who are in deep despair, and have a peace that transcends this world's wisdom and understanding.

Please keep praying.  The surgery certainly is under way and she'll be in for several hours.  My guess is that she'll be out sometime between 11:00 and noon.  I'll post again when she's out.
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Matt
Thanks for the update. We have been thinking about you and Tina since we were together Saturday. You will be in our thoughts and prayers continually.

Love, A Mary and Charlie

January 11, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Anonymous said...

yes, we too give thanks for His assurance that He loves you and Tina more than we do and He is in control. dad and mom L.

January 11, 2012 at 10:14 AM

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